Just the little share: Ambitious does not matter, if only you could use it in a good way.
Once, I thought that life would sprint fast, but seems like its’ faster than I expected. And when you asked if I’m happy or sad, I don’t have any idea.
I remembered the first time I got to college. I owed my self to study hard and graduate as fast as I could effort to make it. Hell, I’ve become an ambitious one for these last 3 years.
Then if you asked me why I became that kind of person, once again, I don’t have any idea.
My parents never asked me to do that. In fact, they are not type of parents that demand their children to do so. Contrary, they are very apathetic ones. In other hand, it’s very okay if you graduated more than it supposed to be, and doesn’t matter if your GPA were below 3.
Then, when you came from this kind of situation, you would become two kinds of person. First, you might become people who don’t have any burdens on your shoulder, so that you could do whatever you want to without any guilty. Either you could be the one who trying so hard to ‘catch’ their attention only to prove that you are something they can proud of.
And see? Which way of life that I’ve taken so far?
But that’s not at all, until I figured out more.
One day, I became tired of being hell like this. I struggling so hard, but still I didn’t good enough to catch their attention. I was still nothing and so why did I keep running?
As time went by, I just couldn’t stop my self of being ambitious. The same question still spun around in my head. Until I figured out that this could be something.
Before continuing the piece of story, I would like to ask you first. Do you believe in unconscious world? The way of self defense of mechanism works? A process which operates unconsciously in your mind but gives you the massive effect on your life.
I realized this once I decided to seek a help for the professional hand. The only reason why I kept the bad habit of being ambitious was, just because I kept seeing ambitious as a bad thing and I never used it in a rite way.
Loads on my shoulder as the eldest brother who have three siblings force me to keep struggling. Other fact that I still have a 6 years old little brother and one brother who need more concern to be cared, are the only reason not to stop struggling. Honestly, being success to help my family is something I want the most.
The problem was, I used to be too scary to be realistic. Then I converted these loads to my parent’s fault. I shouldn’t have done this just because I couldn’t change the situation I have got.
After that, I stop complaining about my life. And I could feel my loads not something I hate but something I love to.
Some people call this destiny. And for me it’s not something I have to worry about. I just need to see this in a different perspective. Other words, I only need to use this ‘ambitious’ thing for a good way.
You just don’t need to prove anything to anybody. Once you used that way, you’ll never live happily. Being realistic, somehow not something you want the most, but it’s just something that you need the most. Just stop repressing your anxieties to your unconscious mind, and just try to deal with them. Once you succeed mastering it, you’ll become the one who could see problem in a great way. And somehow it can be a positive motivation for you to keep doing well.
Being realistic is also make you understand that failure is commonly happened in all people’s life and make your ambition become a good endurance in making dreams come true.
being the first kid..is a beautiful disaster dearest mores
ahaha, yayayaya… i love my siblings that much